Convicted
by Serb
Summary: The Arkham Asylum inmates have something against the Scarecrow, and it's not nice! Read and review!


**Convicted **

_Author's Note: I know that I haven't written for some time (as I have been away for the winter holidays), but I have come up with a story that is rather strange, and I hope it is interesting enough. Characters don't belong to me, but to Warner Bros. And DC Comics. Enjoy!_

'Alright, alright……' Dr. Leland rubbed her temples with annoyance at another group therapy session,' so you all had problems with the Joker and his antics….'

The Joker giggled in his chair with pride, while everyone shot him a stare that encouraged him to shut up.

'…..you had problems with Miss Isley's obsession with plants being treated badly whenever they are cooked for dinner….' Dr. Leland continued.

'Those were long nights!' Groaned Nygma in response, reminiscing on what happened last night.

'….. and how Croc ate the last chess figurines three days ago.' Dr. Leland finished off. She put down the pad she was holding and looked at the patients seated in front of her,' What is the problem this time?'

All the heads turned towards the corner of the room, where Jonathan Crane was seated with his arms crossed defensively. He shot them an angry look in return.

'Mr. Crane?' Dr. Leland took off her lenses in surprise,' I never knew that you could be capable of doing something that would really annoy your colleagues. The only complains up to now are the times you keep hollering down the corridor about being the Master of Fear.'

'That is because I haven't done anything wrong,' Snarled Crane through gritted teeth.

'Really?' Joan Leland raised an eyebrow, leaning back in her chair,' Would you please elaborate your views?'

'Not necessary, Dr. Leland,' Jervis Tetch chipped in,' he refuses to talk about this, but I happen to be a witness on what happened yesterday.'

'Tetch, you traitor, I never knew you stand on their side,' Crane glared at his asylum companion.

'Jonathan, we are not against you, we are trying to help you,' Dr. Leland said pleasantly, taking up the old encouragement routine.

'Do not behave that way towards me, Dr. Leland,' Crane spoke,' being a psychologist - and a Leading Professor of Subliminal Psychology- I perfectly read through your tact.'

Dr. Leland sighed,' Alright, Jervis. Tell your story.'

Tetch gathered himself up into full story mode position, ad begun his tale,' Well, as I said, it all happened yesterday……'

XxxXXXXXxxxx

_(Yesterday)_

_It was a beautiful day outside. The sun was shining, the roses were blooming, the birds were singing, cats were smiling as the Cheshire Cat, the Catterpillar was smoking his pipe _('Jervis!' Dr. Leland interrupted in a warning tone,' stick to the point and don't wander off into "Alice in Wonderland" world!')

_Sorry there, but I couldn't skip the beautiful day that was happening outside. Anyway, we were not outside, but inside in the Rec Room. Jonathan had brought a book in there so he can read something…. I think it were D. H. Lawrence's poems….. that sly pervert, no reading taste at all….. he could have taken a much more useful book like "Through the Looking Glass"….._

_So Jonathan pushed ME off the couch, claiming that I was reading my book for the hundredth time and that he just received his book and that he needs to read it. So then I told him how D. H. Lawrence was just some kind of a vagabond that ran off with his Professor's wife and that- oh yes, I need to get to the point._

_After some time, Killer Croc came into the room, and he was feeling really bored. He saw Jonathan who was oh so emmersed in his stupid modern poetry book, that Croc took it and started reading it out loud. It was "The Tortoise's Shout"! _

_Oh how frabjulous it had been! The men had started laughing, the ladies looked at Jonathan as if they never knew this side of him. Jonathan went all red in the face and he immediately jumped for the book. Croc kept the book away from him, and as he was jumping up and down as a grasshopper to retrieve it, he bumped into Mr. Ventriloquist here, who was passing by. The poor man fell to the ground and started crying. I admit, Jonathan apologized to him._

_'I can't believe you did this Mr. Crane!' Blubbered Ventriloquist, 'How could you? How could you be so cruel…… you are no better than….. than a bully!!!' With those last words, he burst into tears._

_Everyone looked at Crane as if he had done a sin, their eyes calculating. _

_'I- I didn't mean to!' Crane himself was also on the verge of tears._

_Amongst the wails of the Ventriloquist and the pathetic mourning of Jonathan Crane, Harley joined in crying because she had nothing else to do. Such a beautiful day had been ruined, all because of Jonathan Crane._

XxxxxXXXxxxx

(Present)

Tetch did a dramatic bow that matched the ending of his sorry tale,' The End.'

Everyone was silent. Only the sound of Dr. Leland scribbling in her notebook rustled in the room.

'That was all….. very entertaining, Jervis,' she said when she finished,' but I still don't see what's Jonathan's fault with all this.'

'What's his fault? He brought that shameless book into the room and caused all that trouble…..' ranted Tetch, trailing off.

'Aw, come on!' Cried out Harley,' That's the silliest, lamest excuse you can up about him all because he beat you at chess twice in a row yesterday!'

'Well, I heard you also had to say something negative about him,' Tetch said, forcing himself into control,' pray tell your point of view.'

'It seems that the Inquisition is back in fashion lately,' mumbled Crane from the side of the room.

'I have a better excuse,' announced Harley, pausing so she could get everyone's attention, ' the Bathroom Incident.'

The rogues responded in exclamations of remembrance of this incident. Dr. Leland looked very interested.

'What had happened that time?' she inquired.

At this, Nygma spoke up,' What is team work, helping each other but the law hates the most?'

'No more riddles,' ordered the doctor,' but I can't guess. What is it?'

'Trying to help each other get out of here,' the Riddler answered promptly,' or to improve our standard of living.' He added as an afterthought.

'What's wrong with the way you live?' asked Dr. Leland.

'Well, half a year ago the cleaners neglected taking care of our toilets - both men and women - and we heard that the staff's one was much more cleaner than ours,' Nygma told his version,' so we decided to take action. We couldn't let one of the weaker inmates, such as Junkyard Dog, carry out this because they may also sabotage the staff's toilets for fun. So we drew straws to see who would carry out the task. It landed on Crane.'

He paused and looked around as if to check if he can go on.

'Crane sneaked out somehow to flush something down the toilets, so as to make them clogged.' Contined the Riddler,' But we didn't know the other inmates were having the same plan by sabotaging the staff's toilets instead. So this is how it turned out in the end…..'

xxxxxXXXXXXxxxxx

_(Half a year ago)_

_In the early morning, all the prisoners were dragged out of their cells to be delivered to their toilets. However, they noticed that they were taken the other way, so they all had high hopes of being able to use the cleaner staff toilets._

_'Finally being treated well!' Exclaimed Harvey Dent as they were being led away,' We knew that we could trust you Crane!'_

_'Oh, it just takes a little skill of understanding the ways of sneaking out during dinner time and going back in unnoticed,' Crane smirked with pride. _

_However, it was unusual that they were being led outside. Some prisoners were murmuring in confusion, asking the guards what was the meaning of this. They in turn sneered sadistically and answered their questions._

_'Since some smart asses clogged your toilets (Crane lowered his head at that) and also our ones (everyone looked at him in panic), then we are going to lead you to our **third** toilet that hasn't been used for a very long time because of its outdated purposes,' the guard answered nastily._

_'Outdated purposes?' demanded Pamela Isley,' What do you mean by that?'_

_Her question was soon answered as they stopped in front of a small hut. It was so small, that only one person could fit in and it was made out of rotting wood. No plants seemed to want to grow around it as its familiar stench would poisoned them anyway. On its fragile door was a small heart carved in so as to look more "friendly"._

_'An old-fashioned yard toilet!' exclaimed Dent, 'I thought these things were out since the beginning of the 20th century.'_

_'Well it isn't!' Snarled another guard,' So you wanna go in or we **make** you go in?'_

_'How non ecological!' Complained Isley._

_'I don't know about you pansies but I'm going in!' Croc, shoved some out of the way and he went in._

_'Figures.' Joker rolled his eyes._

_After some time, Croc got out of the toilet, and it was Tetch's turn next._

_'Erm….. do you have toilet paper?' Asked shyly the Mad Hatter,' Because there's something on the walls that looks suspiciously unpleasant.'_

_'You go in there!' Growled the guard threateningly._

_Tetch immediately disappeared behind the door, and when he came out later, he looked as if he will not be having breakfast this morning._

_Harley was next, and she bravely stepped up,' Wish me luck Puddin'!' she yelled to the crowd behind her._

_'Right behind you Toots!' Somewhere from the mass Joker's voice answered her call._

_She peeped inside, and then turned to the guard,' So where's the toilet seat?'_

_'There ain't one,' the guard answered._

_'But there's only a hole in there!' Harley's baby blue eyes widened._

_'That's the point.' Was her reply._

_Gingerly, she walked in, and closed the door behind her. But it didn't block out her disgusted comments._

_'Eugh! It stinks in here!' Harley yelled from behind the door,' There's a hole down here, and how do you expect me to keep my balance? Ok, I'll hang to that wall….. hey what's that? Don't tell me it's a piece of- arghhh! Help me! The room's tipping over! Ahhh!'_

_Suddenly, the entire hut fell over and slammed onto the ground and Harley's screams were drowned by the wooden walls of the hut. Some guards rushed over to aid her, and nothing can be seen from the crowd blocking the view. But the wails of Harley could be perfectly heard now,' I'm covered in bogies, and it feels disgusting!'_

_'It's unhygienic!' Gasped Pamela Isley,' Harley, if you're alright, take off your clothes now!'_

_'Oooh, I mustn't miss this part!' Exclaimed the Joker, as he leaned over,' Harley, sweetie, do strip for old times sake!'_

_A hand that belonged to Harley shot out of the crowd and socked the Joker in the face. Meanwhile, Dent turned over and stared at Crane. _

_'This is all your fault,' he stated seriously._

_'Me?' hissed Crane,' I didn't plan this! It was all your idea!'_

_'Whose ever idea it was will now pay the conscequence,' rumbled Dent,' your turn.'_

_Crane realized that he was next in line for the toilet. He mustered his dignity with all his strength, took a deep breath, and walked into the hut. He had been for some time in there, as in the meantime the guards were talking something about the good old days of Arkham. _

_'This toilet is secure like steel, even after all these years,' one guard was chatting,' it may tip over, but never break down.'_

_With these last words, he gave the hut a secure, proud slap with his hand to prove its worth. At the same moment, the hut collapsed. _

XxxxXXXXXxxxxx

(Present)

'That is one moment I'll never forget,' Isley said frozenly.

Truth to say, it was one embarrassing and awful moment in everyone's (including Crane's) life, but life must go on.

'I thought the Bathroom Incident was when Crane tried to sneak in a camera into the Women's Shower,' Harley commented in confusion.

'That was Ventriloquist,' answered Pamela,' under the direct orders of Mr. Scarface.'

'Whatever excuse you say, it is still your brain thinking it ya dirty perv!' Harley waved a threatening finger at the Ventriloquist, who shrunk from her deadly gaze.

'I still don't understand what's Jonathan's mistake in this!' Exclaimed Dr. Leland,' So far, he hasn't done anything wrong!'

'Oh yeah?' Said Isley daringly,' So what about the time when he ate an innocent plant?'

xxxxxXXXXXxxxxxx

_(Three weeks ago)_

_Crane had accepted a dare from his roommate Nygma to try to get under Poison Ivy's skin through careful wording and tactful behavior. It happened at one romantic lunchtime when he sat next to her and they were eating meat. Isley had brought in a small olive branch with a couple of olives in hope to somehow make it spring roots and live again. Unfortunately, Crane didn't know that._

_He began his tact by looking at her leisurely. This unnerved Isley quite a bit._

_'If you're looking at me the same way as when we organized the trial for Batman and I almost killed that outrageous Janet Van Dorn, you will get a nasty punch in the eyes,' Isley threatened._

_'I wasn't looking at you in any sensual way,' Crane defended himself,' it was Van Dorn I was looking at.'_

_A few seats away, the Riddler smacked his forehead with mirth at the Scarecrow's wrong move. Crane noticed that and tried a different approach._

_'It's very interesting how you handle plants,' Crane tried to strike up a conversation again, 'I'm sure they are a lot of…..fun.'_

_Pamela Isley raised an eyebrow,' Yes, especially when they throttle annoying humans such as yourself.'_

_Crane opened his mouth to argue, but then closed it, realizing it will just lead to trouble. He calmed down, and tried another approach. The mistake was made when he spotted the olive branch._

_'They didn't give me olives for dinner, and it seems that you are not touching yours,' Crane picked an olive out of the frail branch,' the cook hates when food is still left on the plat. Oh well, you should have told me about this! I'll help you clean your plate, my dear.'_

_And just when he was doing the noble deed of eating the "food" an inhumane scream rang throughout the room. He found his throat grabbed by Pamela, her eyes wild. Madness shone on her beautiful face and her red hair seemed more fiery than before. He had angered Poison Ivy, and he was going to pay._

_Clutching the last straw, Crane mumbled,' I like girls with a temper. But I prefer if you fear me.' _

_The only response he got from her was being socked in the jaw._

XxxxXXXXxxxxxx

(Present)

Crane drew himself up, mustering up hi wounded pride, 'It was humiliating being beaten up by a plant girl.'

'You're telling me!' grumbled Nygma,' At least you didn't go to boxing practice and manage to punch yourself in the face.'

When he noticed that everyone was staring at him in surprise, Nygma said defensively,' What? A guy like me has to survive in a tough world, and boxing is one of the ways to get through!'

Dr. Leland stood up, the answer to be announced, ' It has come to my realization that Crane isn't responsible for any of your problems.'

'Excuse me?' asked Isley in disbelief.

'Well, when Jonathan took the olives he didn't know that it was you who brought them in. You should know Miss Isley that you aren't allowed to bring plants into the building,' warned Dr. Leland.

'True,' sighed Pamela.

'What about the toilets?' demanded Harvey Dent.

The doctor shrugged,' Just plain coincidence. Jonathan did as you asked but unfortunately someone else had the idea to do the opposite thing, leading to a collision in plans.'

'What about bringing pushing the Ventriloquist over here?' piped up Tetch.

The Ventriloquist gave a simpering smile,' It was nothing.'

'That is called an accident, Jervis,' Dr. Leland said softly,' and it isn't nice to falsely put the blame on someone because you hold a grudge for them beating you at chess.'

The room went silent. But Dr. Leland had one more question.

'What I don't get is,' she asked,' why do you put the blame all on one person for all the mistakes you have done? '

The rogues all looked at each other uncertainly, as if wondering if they ought to tell her. It was Joker who broke the news.

'Ah, it's nothing!' he smiled,' We do it every year to one of us who will carry the blame. This year's lucky winner is Crane!'

Joan Leland actually jumped, and then pulled herself together,' What?'

'A quite tiring tradition which is done every year,' Crane explained with disgust,' last year was Harleen Quinzel and the year before was Edward Nygma. Nygma still doesn't forgive me for what I said about him when it was his turn, so today was sort of a repayment for all my comments.'

'So you do this to each other each year?' Exclaimed Dr. Leland,' It's not fair!'

'Who said it's fair?' Said Dent, flipping his coin.

'We are, after all, the criminals of Gotham!' Harley added smugly.

'Please do remind me: whose next on the scapegoat schedule?' asked Nygma.

'With pleasure,' Crane happily took out a small notebook from his pocket,' the next will be……' he took a breath of cruel satisfaction,'…….. Jervis Tetch.'

THE END

Author's Note: Yes, I know that this was very confusing, had no point and was rather cruel to Crane, but you must see from the criminal's point of view that using scapegoats isn't impossible to happen. Maybe it wasn't so amusing as some other stories from before (or they may be out of character) but I'd really like your point of views! Please review!


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